Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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