I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
