Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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