Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
