hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
