I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i now understand why vodka
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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