My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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