woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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