I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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