the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
