I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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