did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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