someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
