You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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