It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mouth tastes like poor choices
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
