I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
