Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
