I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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