you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's shark week go big or go home
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
