Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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