you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
