I didn't shave. On purpose
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize