My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
