don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
