i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
