; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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