I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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