I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
