i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
