i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's always time for handjobs
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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