She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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