he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize