it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
