YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
