Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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