is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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