I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
