By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
