i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
