I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
