That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
