Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize