I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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