i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
