those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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