Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
