i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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