I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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