I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
