I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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