I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
