I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
