There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's always time for handjobs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
