Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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