OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
