dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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