so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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