just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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