Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
