I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
