please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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