its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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