I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
