Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
