my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize