they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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