I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
