When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
