When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
