Define "chronic" masturbator.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
